Dear African Dads...

Strength Also Looks Like Softness

This one is for you.

Not the version of you they talk about at family meetings. Not the booming-voice, belt-wielding, respect-commanding figure. No. This is for the quiet one who sometimes wants to hug his child but hesitates. The one who feels something when his son cries but can’t quite find the words. The one who was told to “man up” before he’d even outgrown his school uniform.

We see you.

We know what you were taught:
That softness is weakness.
That your role is to provide and protect, not to play and nurture.
That hugs are for mothers, and emotions are for women.

You may have grown up in a home where your father never said, "I love you," but you somehow knew, or hoped he did.

But we need to talk.

Because the world is shifting.
Your children are growing up in a time where tenderness is no longer taboo. Where boys are allowed to cry. Where girls want more from their fathers than pocket money. And deep down, we know you want more too.

So why are you holding back?

You Were Taught to Be Hard

You were taught that a man must be unshakeable. That tears are shameful. That discipline means distance. That involvement is weakness. That love should be shown through sacrifice, not presence.

So when your child cries, you want to say, "You’re fine."
When your teenager slams the door, you see disrespect, not pain.
When your daughter hugs you, you freeze because no one hugged you at that age.

But this isn’t your fault.
This is what society handed you: a tight box labelled “African man” - tight, cold, and silent, with no room for tenderness.

But Softness is Not Weakness

You can be strong and gentle. You can be the protector and the comforter. You can raise your voice when needed and lower it when it matters most.

Your children need your softness. They need you to listen without rushing to fix. They need to hear, "I’m proud of you," not just feel it. They need you clapping at school plays, cheering even when it feels awkward. They need to know that African dads are not made of stone.

The first time they see you cry shouldn’t be at a funeral. Let them see your heart while you’re still their hero.

It's Not Too Late

Even if they’re older now. Call them.
Ask how they really are.
Say something kind without following it with advice.
Hug them, even if it feels awkward. The tenderness you didn’t receive… you can still give.

You don’t need to become someone new. Just uncover the version of you that already exists; the one who watches your children sleep and feels something but doesn’t say it out loud.

Start saying it.

What the Next Generation Needs

Boys don’t need to be hardened. They need to be held.
Girls don’t just need providers. They need presence, and protectors who also praise.
Your softness is not un-African. Our ancestors held their babies too. They just didn’t post about it.

You don’t need to perform fatherhood. Just be present.
Be available.
Be kind.
Be firm, yes; but let your children remember your laughter, not just your footsteps or voice.

This Father’s Day

Maybe this is the year you hear the words you don’t always get.

We’ve created a free set of Affirmation Cards for Dads. Simple, powerful messages from your child, written to honour the father you are.

Print them. Share them. Keep one in your wallet if you want.
Whether it’s handed to you by your child or slipped to you by their mum, these cards are a reminder that your presence matters more than you know.

👉🏾 Download your free Affirmation Cards here

Let Them Know You Tried

One day, they’ll tell someone about you. Let them say:
My dad showed up.
My dad said sorry.
My dad was soft … and he was strong.

Let them grow better because you were brave enough to unlearn.

We see you.
We honour you.
We’re rooting for you.

Laugh if you must. Cry if you need to. But this Father’s Day, and every day after, keep parenting with heart. One honest story at a time.

With love, rice, and responsible parenting

- The African Parent