The Silent Load: Why So Many Are Burning Out

She’s tired. Not because she’s weak, but because she’s been strong for too long.

Let’s be honest.

This kind of exhaustion isn't about needing a nap.
It's the weight of carrying a nation on your back, a child on your hip, a pot of rice on the fire, and everyone's expectations in your handbag.

But here’s the thing: no one sees it.

Because she still smiles at school pickup.
Still roasts the chicken.
Still says “I’m fine” even when she’s blinking back tears over the sink.

She is holding too much. And getting too little in return.

The Invisible To-Do List

You know the one.
The mental list that starts before sunrise and somehow keeps growing at midnight.

• Buy pampers

• Schedule dentist

• Transfer money to mummy back home

• Reply aunty’s WhatsApp before she starts calling you "proud"

• Organise birthday gift for your child’s classmate

• Keep the marriage breathing

• Heal your own childhood wounds

• Be soft, but also strong

• Raise emotionally intelligent children who know their culture but don’t fear you

• Don’t shout

• Don’t break

• Don’t stop

It’s the kind of list that doesn’t fit in any planner because it’s not made of tasks. It’s made of expectations.

Culture Said “Endure”

Many were raised on a particular kind of strength.
The kind where everything was done without complaint.
Where crying was reserved for the kitchen while frying plantain.
Where rest was for those who had finished all their work. And for some, the work never ends.

The lesson was clear: to be a “good woman” was to give, give, give until you disappeared inside the giving.

But who checks on the strong woman?

As the Yoruba say, Abo oro la nso fun omoluwabi.
A word is enough for the wise child. The question is: are we listening?

The Myth of the Superwoman

Let’s break this gently.
There is no badge for suffering in silence.
There is no crown for martyrdom.

You can’t pour from an empty calabash.
And if you keep pretending you're fine, one day you'll snap. Mid-sentence. Mid-soup. Mid "Mummy, I need..."

The "strong Black woman" trope may sound noble, but it’s killing us softly.

No Rest, No Respect

Let’s talk about support. Or the lack of it.

Too many are:

• Cooking for everyone but eating last

• Juggling careers, children, marriage, side hustle and spiritual warfare

• Surrounded by people but still lonely

• Exhausted but still “judged” for ordering takeout

• Called “too emotional” when they express frustration

• Expected to carry their pain quietly while still checking in on others

You post a tired selfie and someone says, "But you’re not the first woman to have children."

Ah. Thanks for that. Now go and be useful.

“But She’s Always Smiling”

Yes. Because sometimes crying would take too much energy.

Yes. Because her children are watching and she doesn’t want to scare them.

Yes. Because we were trained to smile through sorrow like it’s a birthright.

But behind that smile is a woman one bad day away from a breakdown.

What We Need to Start Doing